what matters most

don't ever let people tell you that the little things don't matter as you get older, b/c in all actuality, they just matter more: sunday afternoons get even shorter, tears taste even saltier, ice cream drips faster...it always is the little things that matter the most in all relationships, regardless.

father knows best

So we played catch – definitely not for the first time, hopefully not for the last time, but this time was different. Because this time, when I left, I took my glove with me. It’s different because this time, I’m not leaving him, he’s leaving me. And I know why, I even understand why, but I don’t have to like it.

It’s always been said ‘fathers playing catch with their sons’. But this was ‘daddy playing catch with his little girl’. The two things I love most in this world are baseball and my dad. And I know that even when they aren’t physically there, they always are with me.

In my mind, the two are inextricably linked together. I learned baseball from my dad. Not how to play, because I’ve never played a single inning much less an entire game, but rather the art of it. He taught me the basics of the game – the rules, the positions, the players, the history, even the trick plays and the reasoning behind them – but more importantly, he taught me the beauty of the game – the crack of the bat on the ball, the gracefulness of a diving catch, the smell of the stadium – not just of game dogs, peanuts, and freshly mowed grass, but the simple aroma of a ballpark awaiting a game to be played. He taught me how every game, like every day, is different; you will always see something that you’ve never seen before. He taught me the terminology – rbi’s, lob’s, slugging percentage, but I think I taught him WHIP and win shares. He taught me that it’s not always necessary to look for the game winning homerun because sometimes it’s the little things – the stolen bases, the squeeze bunts, the sacrifice flies – that make the difference. He taught me about the joy experienced when your team comes from behind in the bottom of the ninth coupled with the pain felt when your team blows yet another opportunity. From this I’ve learned more about life than anything else – it’s in knowing that regardless of the count, the score, the outcome, tomorrow’s another day…and there’s always next year.

I like to think that I know more about baseball than my dad, and maybe I do, probably I do, statistic-wise. But I’ll never know as much as he does about the true game, much as I’ll never know as much as he does about life.

Baseball has been said to be the one constant through all the years. It’s always been something that my dad and I can talk about, although sometimes we have different viewpoints – for instance, he’s forgiven Roger whereas he’ll always be ‘The Fat Bastard’ to me. He doesn’t like Pedro, thinks he’s a cocky smartass, but admits that he can pitch. Yet another example of how much better of a person he is – I can’t forgive Roger and refuse to say that he’s a great pitcher; he overlooks Pedro’s attitude and sees his innate ability.

I guess I could blame him for my otherwise unexplainable undying devotion and love of the Red Sox. When I was younger, I told those who questioned my loyalty to this East Coast team that I was a Sox fan because my grandfather played for them, furthermore explaining that my grandfather was none other than Ted Williams. This seemed so much cooler than just saying ‘because my daddy is’. Now I’m proud to say that I am not only a baseball fan, but a Red Sox fan because of my dad. He’s the one who took us to a game and undertook the responsibility of serving two barely double-digit aged kids beer because we refused to leave the hundred-plus degree stadium. He played catch with us in the front yard until well past sundown, never leaving me out just because I was a girl. And I know that he never will – we’ll play catch again soon; I’ll take my glove with me when I visit. Like a right of passage, I now must grow up and move on – it’s just a symbol, the world is full of them, this one just means the most to me.

New Englanders in particular, but Red Sox fans nationwide, say ‘the Red Sox killed my father and now they’re coming after me’. But yet they still believe, still support this supposedly cursed team. Why? Because their fathers did. And no matter what, father always knows best.

There are places I remember all my life,

Though some have changed.

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone and some remain.

All these places have their moments

Of lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I loved them all.

And with all these friends and lovers

There is no one that compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

And I know I will never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them.

In my life I loved you more.

And I know I will never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them.

In my life I loved you more

In my life I loved you more.

unobtainable dreams

it doesn't seem fair that my dream in life is unachievable - i don't think there is much demand for a rock star who can't sing.

what i miss most (amended 12/21/04)

mama
papa
nancy witman
char-kel cheese fritters and frozen lemonades
maudie
tanglewood 'events'
'i saw a squirrel on the fence the other day'
meredith
skylar
ted williams
ally mcbeal
baseball games at austin park
the bicycle for two at the sterquell's
90210
my brother
grace kelly
sara lee cheese danish
narcissa's
will herring's bday parties (especially the ones with moonshine)
ghetto juice
blow-up dolls
short-sheeting beds
pool chalk fights
parties at 'the river'
roasters
$10 bets
happy hour at harrigan's (especially wednesday night girl's nights)
sports night
seth's special lemonade
ed
late night taco cabana parties
'the kissing bandit'
using kool-aid as hair dye
kissing for hats
down by the old red sea
a different world
mother theresa
seinfeld
eight is enough
playing barbies
high school
college
coke dates
cuban 'cigarettes'
the back stalls
hall parties
incahoots penny beer
SHORERIDGE
thursday nights at brother's
rice bowl #2
sugar's
kwan @ chinese texico
the gossip show
living with all the girls
riley, macy, keely, and aspen
alex spaulding
310 partridge
700 south college
late night toto's
midnight movies
good schtuff
trivial pursuit at jeremy's
real road trips
the red eyed horse
the commons
functions
date parties
PDC parties
oliver's pizza
girl's night out
tim's nieces and nephews
austin park (apc)
smoking drives
christmas night at stumpy's
dance party u.s.a.
friday lunch
o'connell's at halftime
jackopierce
jimi jank
being in love
afternoons at the mont
royal bavarian parties
cowboy bar in matamoras - 'take dat shit off'
the huge obese guy at bball games
driveways
21st birthdays
christian and i's smoking route
mcclure/ryan's garage apartment
blue river campouts
les, ade, jill, beane, kat, leaf
katie
all the guys
'is rusty still in the navy clark?'
the sunshine store
those guys off 6th
the flood street house
berry street sleepovers
intramurals
christmas morning casserole
'i never'
ou/texas holidays
dawson's creek parties
st. patty's at o'connell's
the blue room
the 6 girl room
"my" room at katie's house

thanks o'golly

the time has come
the red sox said
to talk of many things
of hits and runs and era
of base on balls and swings
and how it feels to win it all
and when we'll get those rings.

random life goals

random life goals
baseball hall of fame induction
kiss the blarney stone
sail
play a $1000 chip in vegas
attend the academy awards
bowl a 200
italy
orient express
spain
plant a tree
shower in a waterfall
stay night in a hanted house (new mexico???)
make out with stranger on airplane
greece - islands
movie premiere (red carpet)
read entire bible
conversational spanish (fluent in some language)
milk a cow
ride bareback
run a marathon
sunbathe nude
recover a piece of furniture
host a dinner for 8+
eiffel tower
moma
sundance festival
run with the bulls
publish a book or article
sleep under the stars
learn to juggle
leave someone a $1000 tip
skinny dipping in the ocean
portrait painted
extended open road trip
super bowl
send a message in a bottle
donate to the jimmy fund
throw out the first pitch
fly a plane
swim with dolphins
skydive
bungee jump
pyramids
world series

the brown recluse

ade and i spent an entire summer drunk. seriously 6/7 nights a week. we subexisted on bagels (she worked at new york bagel), candy (i worked at the candy basket) and alcohol (various bars, mostly throughout norman, although other oklahoma towns were sometimes lucky enough to be blessed by our presence, and our dollars). we had such a great time - 'i loved you more than i did the week before i discovered alcohol', 'malibu and coke for you, a g & t for me'. her grandparents, owners of the well-traveled two-tone, had birds named 'gin' and 'tonic'. how can a girl with a bloodline like that not be cool. the original brown recluse - she has brown eyes, brown skin and brown teeth b/c she's smoked too many cigarettes. she's the ultimate irishwoman, adrianne finnigan, a redhead (sorry adri, but it's true), born on st. patrick's day who went to mcguiness high school. and she and jay are finally getting married. i'm happy for her - she glows, but i don't know that he deserves her. nothing against him, i'm just not sure anyone does.

waterford highball glass

kat hopes to be reincarnated as a waterford crystal highball glass b/c that way she can listen in on all the best conversations. she wishes she had her own personal dj and that we could all hang out together all the time - well, we all wish that. we shared slumber parties on berry and boyd and dance party usa on shoreridge/melrose. we roasted her at her rehearsal dinner - i hope you know we were only kidding - when no one else could find an unkind word to say. she's always up for fun and adventure, but has open arms and listening ears for anyone who needs her. and we all need her. i am so honored to have been part of her wedding b/c what she and coop share is hard to come by - he's the luckiest guy!

wood chunks

i spent the most fun day of my life with leaf, murray, newport and clark. we watched a baseball game, rolled in the grass, karaoked, beat one another up and drank cases of beer. she wonders 'why you wanna take lashonda', plays 'i spy' in random yards in small towns throughout oklahoma, and throws a mean wood chunk curve. she's one of the few i would forgive for ripping eggie (still not forgotten though). she has a thing for 'my stepson, my lover' and adores lance. she's now a mother to her little man and baby princess as well, and i am so proud of her and her mothering nature. she's changed more than any of us (in more ways than one), but yet she's still the same fun-loving chick she's always been, and i love her for it.

just to see you smile

a fellow retainer club alumnae, les knows all i want is 'just to see you smile' b/c 'all my life, i've prayed for someone like you'. she wore a birthday crown when we celebrated her 21st with 12 inches of snow. i almost got in a fistfight over her, but that's what all water under the bridge now. she's going to be a doctor, and i know i wouldn't trust anyone more. from travie bear to gr gahciapahha, she's provided some lucky guys with a girl who can outgolf them all. when it's all said and done, she longs to be audrey, but i think she's more joey, the have it all girl, and i'm lucky to be one of her dawson's.

electron

beane and i bonded over a six hour drive to austin our freshman year. you could have followed our trail by the trash and cigarette butts we threw out along the way. she loves texas, has a hand-painted camel and still spells my name chelse. we lived together a few times, and, as different as we are, we found we had lots in common. she believes in hand warners on the gondola and went out with a tall drink of water. she's been called an electron and never fails to live down the turtles on the side of the road. she promised i can be the pseudo bride whenever she finally sets the date; i hope he knows what he's got (and getting himself into) - she's smart, sassy, silly, sexy and one of the best friends anyone could ever want.

pogo sticks

jill had a pogo stick when she was little. and despite the fact that she will NEVER live down having played in the band and worked as a sonic carhop, i look up to her. she's never bought a pack of cigarettes, and she rarely drinks at 'i never'. but she's loosened up with us. she knows crippy and loves camping out at blue river. she's brilliant, has her phd in ears and is jaw-dropping beautiful - she has no idea. she's the one who keeps us all in check, at least for the most part and the one to pick up the pieces when we don't heed her advice. someday she will achieve all we know she's capable of, and i, for one, will sit back with a grin and a beer and say 'i told you so. i knew you could do it. i'm so proud of you'.

causeless affection

'he had never asked anything of them; it was they who wished to hold him, they who pressed a claim on him - and the claim seemed to have the form of affection, but it was a form which he found harder to endure than any sort of hatred. he despised causeless affection just as he despised unearned wealth.

they professed to love him for some unknown reason, and they ignored all the reasons for whilch he could wish to be loved.'

ayn rand
atlas shrugged

chick flicks

Love Story: "What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles, and me?"
The Way We Were: "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."
Gone with the Wind: "No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."
Philadelphia Story: "Put me in your pocket, Mike."
Casablanca: "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
Chasing Amy: "If this is a crush, I don't think I could handle it if the real thing happened."
Say Anything: "She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."
The Cutting Edge: "What do you shower once a week? Is that an invitation?"
Pillow Talk: "Mr. Allen, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition."
His Girl Friday: "Walter, you're wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way."
A Streetcar Named Desire: "Deliberate cruelty is unforgivable, and the one thing I've never been guilty of."
Thelma and Louise: "You shoot off a guy's head with his pants down, believe me, Texas ain't the place you want to get caught."
Down with Love: "I love you, Barbara. I know."
Chocolat: "Who says I don't know how to use a skillet?"
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: "True or False: All's fair in love and war. True."
Election: "If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my Dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb."
Shakespeare in Love: "Love knows nothing of rank or river bank."
Legally Blonde: "You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde."
Four Weddings and a Funeral: "Let me ask you one thing. Do you think - after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together - you might agree *not* to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life?"
One Fine Day: "What would you do if I kissed you right now? You wouldn't kiss me. But what would you do if i did? Do you wanna kiss me right now? I wouldn't've mentioned it if didn't."
Notting Hill: "After all... I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
Moulin Rouge: "When will I begin to live again? One day I'll fly away...leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream, and dread the day when dreaming ends."
Stepmom: " Look down the road to her wedding. I'm in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll think, "I wish my mom were here." And my fear is... she won't."
Clueless: " Do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?"
Love Actually: "But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end."
Barefoot in the Park: "Paul, I think I'm gonna be a lousy wife. But don't be angry with me. I love you very much -- and I'm very sexy!"
Heathers: "Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch? Because I can be."
Terms of Endearment : "Don't worship me until I've earned it."
Bring it on: "Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm overruling you."
Can't Buy Me Love: "I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!"
Little Women: "I am not afraid. I can be brave like you. But I know I shall be homesick for you, even in Heaven."
Hope Floats: "Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."
Beautiful Girls: "A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning."
Sliding Doors: " What are you doing two weeks on Saturday? Probably killing myself. Excellent. What time does that finish? Do you like boats?"
An Affair to Remember: "Why didn't you tell me? If it had to happen to one of us, why did it have to be you?"
Breakfast at Tiffany's: "You can always tell what kind of a person a man really thinks you are by the earrings he gives you."
Pleasantville: "This place gives me the creeps! Did you know that the books are blank? What? Yeah, I was in the library and I looked, and they have covers and there's nothing inside of them. What were you doing in a library? I got lost."

big pimp-style money

no waxing poetic here, but just keep hearing the 'pimp and ho's' commercial where they promise 'big pimp-style money', whatever the hell that is. so just wanted to title something 'big pimp-style money'. am going to attempt to use that in conversation for the next week - much like the phase where i tried to reference 'tj' and 'what happens in tijuana stays in tijuana' over and over again. just got paid. def. not 'big pimp-style money'.